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defining a sense of home

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My Heart Became Bigger

Early on in my pregnancy, before most people knew I was pregnant, I told a friend, mentor, and overall, a kickass mom that I was pregnant. To be honest, she kind of already knew because she's smart.  Plus, I can't lie to her, really I can't lie at all. But there are some people in life that the moment they ask you a simple question like "Where should we eat?" You tell them everything and you realize you've told them everything except for where you want to eat. That's this person for me. But that's okay because she really does want to know. Bless her.

This day in particular, she dropped off her daughter to a bible study, I met her on a street corner in the dark. Becausee we're shady people. We walked to the charming, Downtown Orange Circle to go eat dinner and gelato. As we're chatting, a heavy conversation stems. I don't talk to a lot of people often and there aren't a lot of people I trust with how I feel especially when life has been a bit dark in life. I always hate sounding negative because I know that bad things don't define my life, even when it seems like it does. I'm just in what feels like a never ending season and I pray that it doesn't last for 40 years in the desert. Another day though. 

During our conversations, I try to make it a point to find a silver-lining or something I'm truly grateful for. I do this as a way to take a step back and ground myself.  But this time,  at 16 weeks in my pregnancy, I made the connection that I was going to love more. That at that moment, I was grateful that God instilled in me that capacity to be able to love more. I felt grateful that even after loving Jesus for the better part of my life, He still teaches me how to love. Because the deeper you love, the more layers there are. The year before I was married and daily am learning how to love in that capacity of continuous love and choice. But now, a tiny human from that love was growing inside me. I was thankful that my capacity to love was growing, knowing I had no idea what that really meant. 

Fast forward, here she is at 16 weeks and I continuously stare at her in amazement. Even on our worst days, when I haven't showered or slept in days. I stare at her intricate little details. Her perfect fingers, her perfect toes. Her big, blue eyes and contagious smile. Heck, her cute little tush becomes a focal point. When she sleeps I watch the rise and fall of her chest, usually holding back tears, in part, because I'm terrified I will wake her and the other fear that I won't be able to stop. Because I love her that much. 

baby toes
margot eyes
tags: mornings with margot, Letters to Margot, photography, love
categories: Letters to Margot, Beauty, Baby, Mornings with Margot, Margot, photography, pregnancy
Wednesday 08.10.16
Posted by Samantha May
Comments: 1
 

Flowers: the cure for all

tags: photography, flowers, pink, friendship, beauty
categories: photography, Beauty
Tuesday 05.24.16
Posted by Samantha May
 

Slowing Down

I'm in the process of slowing down. Some of it forced, some of it is from things ending. I worked for about 60 days straight. That was fun. I actually didn't feel overly exhausted but I did have early mornings and late nights and a majority of it was all based on deadlines. My one qualm through the entire process was it was 60 days of waking up earlier than normal and then knowing a month later or so later, i'm going to lose my slow mornings for a very LONG time. I slept until 8am today, that was progress. 

Another qualm [with no one to blame but myself] is the lack meditating on the realization that BIG changes are happening in less than 30 days. If you haven't caught on yet, I'm about 36 weeks pregnant. Don't worry if you feel behind the times, i've only just now been more outward about it, vocally and physically. After about 6months, it becomes harder to hide that growing babe in the belly. 

So for these next few days, I vow to TRY to process more. 

tags: Nesting, meditation, exhausted, pregnancy
categories: nesting, Beauty, pregnancy
Saturday 04.09.16
Posted by Samantha May
 

Chaotically Perfect

ikea bar cart

Most days lately I've been feeling rather disheveled. A trend that is seemingly to be a more permanent feeling of life. As most things in life are unorganized, it's a given that my house isn't the most organized at the moment. But I can't help but really enjoy this space. I love that ikea Bar cart that was a wedding gift from some best friends. I love that it's going to serve a million little purposes for years to come. I love that picture of "us" from his first trip to the United States. I love that frame that I bought from a thrift store and then repainted it (way back when I had the time to repaint anything and everything). There are lots more memories on that one part of the shelf but I'll spare you the details. In my opinion, it's a chaotically perfect space.

tags: home, in the home, ikea, turquoise, diy, libations, stuff
categories: nesting, products, Beauty
Wednesday 01.27.16
Posted by Samantha May
 

Portrait: Kira

The other day I had the opportunity to take some Senior Portraits. I haven't taken portraits in such a long time and I had forgotten how much I truly enjoyed it. Sometimes it feels awkward but when you catch moments of life and joy, that feeling just can't be beat. Taking Kira's photographs were nothing short of that. She's headed into the world as a grown up and she has so much life and ambition. I enjoyed photographing her so much that I accidentally took 800 photos of her. And only about 60 of them were delete worthy. She's a beaut. 

kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
kira senior portraits
tags: photography, senior portraits, portrait, kira, california
categories: photography, Beauty
Saturday 11.21.15
Posted by Samantha May
 
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theportofcall. 2018