Can I be honest? This week was REALLY difficult for me. I felt like I just sucked at being an adult. Nothing I did was right. My schedule was a mess, I wasn't sleeping, and there was just too much to do. I felt inadequate in all my roles. Like really inadequate. I would have loved to have sat at a coffee shop and cried my eyes out. Ain't nobody got time for that. Yet, there is time for yelling, apparently. Sheesh, I should probably reevaluate. My husband is a go-getter (it's a good thing, normally) and impulsively made all these changes in our 400 square foot beach shack without letting me process any of them. Which has been a trend since we've moved in. Now, when I come home, I look around thinking, I never pictured that, that's not me. For instance, I live in the bluest interior house that I never imaged myself living in. Small details seep into my day, our shoes no longer have a home, and there is no space for more storage, things like that. It's okay. Now breath.
Growing pains. Life pains. Marriage pains. Self pains.
It will all be okay.
On the bright side of this week and all the weeks before, I've learned in my adult years a valuable lesson in breathing. A deep breath can change a lot. A deep breath brings clarity and brings to light what I'm feeling. Sometimes after a deep breath I feel the heaviness of life and what I've been suppressing, sometimes after a good deep breath tears happen, and other times a deep breath brings freedom. The point is, it slows life down for a brief moment to actually think and gather thoughts. This week I found moments while walking the dog and seeing Grey whales so close I could touch them and gave myself the time to walk 4 miles. I felt really lucky, and immediately knew to thank God for that. I worked at the Ritz Carlton this weekend and although I'm working, I know to feel really lucky because you can't beat the views and the mass of the sea and how powerful that feeling really is. Its rather breath taking. And in those moments, I'm reminded at how majestic He really is.
And everything will be okay.
Give it time.